Midnight Charades
by Amber Wasabi
Summary: Ingredients for love: a bit of bleach, several hundred askings of 'Will you go out with me, Evans', a niffler parade, quite a bit of improvisations in the dead of night and of course, a kiss. LJ starting in 5th year
1. And so the tale begins

Midnight Charades

**Disclaimer: Own Not, Sue Not.**

**A.N. Hello my pretties! I trust you will all R&R at the end of this bit of shameless fluff. I was very bored to do this, I hope you know. Terribly, awfully bored.**

**OH PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!**

**Ahem. On with the story. **

**AND! ACTION!**

**Chapter 1:**

**The Values of Bleach**

**Lily **

_Dear Diary,_

_Ugh. My head…_

_Note to self—never drink alcohol again._

_And never make a fool out of myself, which will subsequently lead to consumption of alcohol_

…_And never challenge James Potter to a debate which will end up with ignoring the first two notes to self that I have just written down permanently in this diary._

_Oh, and how can I forget a rule about never being in a room with Potter?_

"Oof."

My, my, Lily Evans thought wryly as she picked herself up from the floor, the klutz factor has already kicked in, and so early in the morning too!

"Whatwasat…?" Her friend, Jade mumbled sleepily.

"Oh, nothing…" Lily murmured, knowing already that Jade hadn't bothered to stay awake for the answer to her question.

Mumbling irritably to herself, Lily dragged her protesting feet towards the bathroom, hitting them on several small objects along the way.

Hopping into the shower, Lily almost screeched. Apparently the house elves had not heated the water yet for 2 a.m. showers.

Reaching out her hand from behind the curtain, Lily felt around on the small counter for her shampoo bottle. Grasping what she thought to be it, she drew her arm back behind the curtain and poured the stuff into her hand.

Rubbing the shampoo into her scalp for about a minute, Lily began to wonder why it wasn't lathering like it should, and why it smelled so odd.

"Erica probly' mixed the soap into it again for one of her experiments…" Lily grumbled, rinsing out the mixture.

Blinking her bleary eyes, Lily glanced at the innocent bottle sitting on the bathtub ledge. And then she took a double take.

**James**

The shrill scream that disturbed the early morning tranquility of the castle was one that James had memorized years before. Sitting up and grinning, the boy gazed around the room in satisfaction.

His best friend, Sirius Black, turned to his side and looked suspiciously at his partner in crime.

"POTTER!"

"What did you do this time?"

"Why, whatever do you mean, Mr. Padfoot?" James inquired with his best Bambi eyes.

"I _mean_—"

The extremely violent smashing sound of a door being ripped in half by a powerful spell interrupted Sirius.

A sudden jarring motion, and James was floundering upside-down in the air, 6 feet above the hard stone floor.

A certain white-faced with fury Lily Evans, strode into the room, wincing as she did so.

"What's wrong, Lilykins?" James asked from his perch by the ceiling. "Couldn't wait to see me at breakfast? Or did you just want to see me with a bare chest, because if that's the case, all you need to do is ask…"

"You planted a bottle of BLEACH where my shampoo should have been!" Lily screamed, massaging one of her temples as if she was experiencing a hangover.

"Why, what's so wrong with that? I personally think that the white hair makes you look much more mature…"

Lily's face paled to a shade even whiter than her damaged hair.

"W-whi-WHITE?" she asked, eyes wide under her gingery eyebrows.

"Haven't looked in the mirror lately, I presume, Lily?" Remus yawned, stretching his arms out like a windmill.

"No…"

"Then I suggest you not do so, or else my ears may start to bleed." Sirius commented lazily from his position in his bed.

"By the way, Lily, why were you up at this hour anyway?" Remus inquired, now stretching on the floor, "My watch says that it's 2:14—a.m.!"

"Oh…Um…" Lily fumbled.

"Looks to me that _somebody _cracked open a barrel of fire whisky last night…" James said slyly.

Without even flinching or glancing at him, Lily shot a small fireball in James' direction. Just in time, he swung to the right, only singeing his precious hair.

"What the hell, woman!" Sirius exclaimed, instantly jumping up from his careless lounging position on his four-poster. "Never mess with a man's hair!"

The look she sent him sent chills down his spine.

Next, the white-haired beauty turned to her captive, who was of course whimpering like a protective mother and flattening his hair at the side of his head. "You hurt it!" James cried passionately to her, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Oh, save it, Potter." Lily snapped wearily at him. "I'm tired… The lesson may penetrate your thick skull one of these days not to bother me when I'm tired…"

"Oh, But it's so much fun!" Sirius proclaimed joyfully as he bounced on his bed. "Why do you always have to take everything to seriously all the time—I mean, it's just an early morning wake-up call—AAAH!"

Before Sirius could finish his explanation, Lily muttered one little spell that would make all the difference to the conversation.

"Avis."

A flock of birds erupted from the tip of her wand to engulf Sirius Black with a horde of beating wings, tearing claws and countless pecking beaks.

"Now," Lily said, turning again to her prisoner, "How do I get this stuff out of my hair?". She lounged carelessly on the edge of Sirius' bed, having been vacated a few seconds ago by a howling Sirius who was now running around the room at full speed to dislodge the birds from his face—with no avail.

"Lily," Remus intervened, "he will never give up that easily, and you know it."

A glare shut him up. "Very well." Lily considered thoughtfully. "Then I will have to resort immediately to interrogation. Tickle interrogation."

A soft gasp was heard collectively throughout the room. Lily's tickling charms were the most horrible things ever. When they were practicing them during charms class last year, Lily and James had been partnered together (Professor Flitwick regretted it later for he was the one having to clean it up) and within 10 seconds James had learned that his bladder was not as strong as he had thought.

"No! Aww, come on, Evans!" James frantically cried from his high vantage point. "Come on! That's not fair! I don't even have my glasses—I can't even see!"

"Then how did you know that Lily's hair was white?" Questioned Remus from the other end of the room, at the same time trying to block out the loud snoring sounds coming from Peter.

"Oh, I charmed it to make her hair that way as insurance when I planted it." The boy replied with a smug grin on his face. "Would you have expected less of me Moony? Frankly, if you did I would be quite insulted."

"Could we get to the point here!" Screeched Lily, thoroughly worn out of patience at the moment.

When the boys quieted down (except Sirius, who was still running around with birds attached to his face, screaming bloody murder), Lily proceeded.

"Now, who can tell me how to remove this bleached effect from my hair?"

"Ooh! Ooh, I can!" James said excitedly from his vantage point.

"Yes, Potter?" Lily questioned, rounding on him.

"Well…uh…it's a secret!" he stumbled.

"Great. Well, that proves my theory." Lily muttered to herself.

"What theory?" Remus questioned her.

"The theory that Potter has the mental capacity of a five-year-old, what else?"

"Oh, good point, but wasn't that obvious earlier?" Remus pursued the question.

"Yes, but it wasn't a confirmed fact."

"But there have been numerous other occasions that could have confirmed it for you, so why only now?"

"Because all those other times—hey, wait! You're getting us off topic!" Lily realized.

Remus shrugged and shot a sympathetic glance in James' direction.

" 'S okay." James mouthed at the friend who had just bought him time so that Sirius could pass him his glasses and wand, unnoticed.

"Now," Lily said slowly, turning back to her captive, who immediately put on a show of quivering and whimpering, holding one protective hand over his stomach and the other behind his back, the one containing his wand.

"Wait… How did you get your glasses back—they were on the table behind you!" Lily practically shouted her observation to the room.

"Sirius passed them to him!" Peter squeaked gleefully at being able to answer a question for once. (Hehad beenawakened by Sirius jumping on him in his mad dash to get rid of the birds) "He also gave him his wand!" Peter shrieked, expecting to be basked in praises for his valuable observations.

"HE WHA—"

A bright light flashed brilliantly through Lily's vision and she abruptly stopped in the middle of her sentence, gripped with terror as she fell into the shadowy depths of sleep.

A soft thump could be heard in the 5th year boy's dormitory as Lily Evans fainted in mid-sentence.

"Good job, boys. Now let's get to work."

* * *

**There, ya happy? I created a new story! How was the first chapter? I yearn to know what you think. What do you think they will do to Lily while she's asleep? Any reviewers to guess will get a virtual goodies basket including the home-made pastry of their choice!**

**Later Dayz,**

**Kay (aka. Amber Wasabi)**


	2. Oh where, oh where has Lily gone?

Midnight Charades

**Disclaimer: Own Not, Sue Not.**

**A.N. Read the A.N. at the bottom of the page and watch out for a switch of different writing styles. Plus, tell us what you want to happen in the next chapter and then we will try our best to incorporate it, K? All right. And without any further adue;**

**Chapter 2:**

**Oh where oh where has Lily gone?**

**James**

"Alright, Potter, where is she? We know you have her!"

James sat up in bed, contemplating how hard it was to sleep when girls kept barging into your room overnight (that isn't meant as a sexual reference).

"For your information," he snapped at the two girls in the doorway, "I do not have Evans anywhere. Now if you'll excuse me, its 5 o'clock and I'd like to get my beauty sleep!"

"Oh, so poor little Jamesie Wamesie needs his rest!" Kay Finch said in a mocking baby voice. Switching to a normal one she smirked at Jade Addler. "Do you think we should let him off?"

"Hmmm…" Jade said, tapping her chin as if deep in thought.

"Nah." Both girls said simultaneously before advancing and tackling James on his bed.

"Aah! Padfoot, a little help here!" James shrieked as Jade beat him with a pillow and Kay brought out her wand.

Sirius just shrugged and grinned as Kay proceeded to change the bed into an uncomfortable wooden chair and his sheets into long scratchy rope, which Jade then wrapped James in.

"Remus! Peter!"

"Sorry, mate." Remus apologized. "We're not intervening twice in one morning."

"Aha! So she did come here this morning!" Jade cried recklessly, meaning to stride forward and poke James in the chest, but instead striding into an end table and falling over it.

"Smooth, Addler." Sirius taunted lazily from his bed.

Glare daggers were shot at him from both girls.

**

* * *

Lily**

"Mmmm… Stupid bleach…" Lily mumbled in her sleep. She twisted around on her soft down bed and pulled the warm quilts up to her chin in a small attempt to keep herself warm in the chilly air of the room.

Wait a minute…

Lily's room had a mandatory fully stacked fireplace and it was always lit. It was also closest to Lily's bed. This was not right.

She shot straight up in her bed hit her head on a cold metal ceiling.

_BONG_… 

The sound reverberated loudly throughout the small confines of the room.

A migraine was coming on, Lily could feel it.

"Ugh…" She moaned, "It's much too early for this…"

She nursed her sore head. This sick joke had better end soon, and Lily had better get a headache potion from the hospital wing or else she would crack.

Cautiously, Lily inched out of her bed. How had she gotten here? She tried to remember and winced as her head pounded. Hangover, shower, white hair, anger, Potter, torture, and then… It was all black. She sighed and lay down across the bed.

Propping her head up on a pillow, she examined her surroundings. She seemed to be trapped in a large cage, somewhat like that of that rodents. It was big enough to lie down and stretch in, with a human-sized wheel for running around on. There was also a small table by the foot of the bed on which there were assorted food items and a vial of greenish-brown liquid.

Lily's eyes cautiously strayed outside of the metal cage. A cold, grey stone room met her gaze. There were no furnishings and the fireplace was cold. The only thing besides her cage was a life-sized cardboard cutout of James Potter.

"_Ugh!" _she cried, frustrated. She should have guessed it earlier. What the hell did this bloody git _do_ to her?

"Hey, hotstuff!" the cardboard James said seductively.

"Bugger off!" she moaned angrily into her pillow.

"Ouch, that hurt, but don't worry, Evans. I don't mind. In fact, I like my women feisty!" It responded cockily. She could almost hear its cardboard smirk.

"Go away!" She said tearfully. She wanted to be alone and cry in her cold metal cage.

"Don't cry, Evans. There's only one thing you need to do to get out of here."

She sat up, instantly suspicious. "And what would that be?"

"To earn your way out of here, Evans, you will need to agree to the following rules which I, James Potter the Magnificent…"

Lily not-so-subtly rolled her eyes. Apparently James' cockiness was so great that he managed to pass on the trait to even a cardboard version of himself.

"…God of everything Sexy…" the cutout continued, oblivious to the fact that the girl he was preaching to was paying no attention to it

"…Lord of Quidditch…blah blah…Leader of the Marauders…blah blah blah…King of all Mischief…blah…has laid down."

"Sorry…What? You lost me when your ego took over the conversation." Lily smirked, shaking her head as if she had come out of a reverie.

The cut out sighed. "You have to be my slave for the day."

The girl openly gaped at the cardboard version of the egotistical prat who had imprisoned her. Had he really just suggested that?

The 6-foot 2-inch piece of paper produce crossed its arms and stared sceptically at her. It soon seemed that it became impatient, and it snapped at her, "Having your mouth open like that is really not the most attractive look for you. You look rather like an albino goldfish."

She gasped indignantly and gave it a searing glare before knocking it over. She couldn't deal with it. Being insulted by James was one thing, but being insulted by a cardboard replica of the same pig headed persona with even less of a brain than James (assuming that that's even possible) was worse.

"Hey!" The cardboard prat protested. "I resent that!" It moved slightly.

Lily sat down against the wall. It was going to be a looong day.

**

* * *

James**

Kay and Jade circled James and the recently tied and gagged Sirius. Remus and Peter played chess in a corner, pretending that nothing was happening.

"What did you do to Lily?" Jade demanded, pointing her wand threateningly at James throat. She smirked as he flinched. Even James knew to be afraid when it came to Jade's hexes. Several Slytherins would walk with a limp all their lives thanks to her. Even Lily wouldn't do anything lasting, or too painful. Jade had none of Lily's scruples, which made her a formidable enemy indeed.

"Nothing!" James said again. Wincing as Jade's wand shot sparks into his skin.

"Mmmph!" An outraged Sirius said into his gag. "Mmph hnnmm!"

"Tell us!" Kay demanded, pulling on James' recently singed hair. A puzzled expression crossed her face. "Your hair smells like smoke, did you know that?"

"Yes, in fact I did." James snapped. "Now stop touching my hair, you're hurting it."

Jade and Kay exchanged glances of evil satisfaction, that meant only ill for James' hair.

**

* * *

Lily**

"Come one, make your choice, I haven't got all day." The cut-out remarked from the floor. "No one's going to find you."

"Kay and Jade will probably be torturing James and Sirius as we speak!" Lily shot back. "They can't hold out under the threat of being permanently maimed or disfigured."

"But even if they do tell, you're friends won't be able to find you." The cardboard, said with a self satisfied smirk. "I, being the incredibly handsome genius that I am, preformed a secret- keeper charm. Remus of course, is the secret keeper, and your fiends won't torture him, he's too nice to you and your friends. So me and Sirius can tell all we like, there's no chance of either of your friends finding you."

Lily groaned. "So the only way to get out is comply with your demands." She brushed her bleached hair out of her face and thought for a moment. Nothing.

"Basically." The James replica said. "Unless you'll be my girlfriend." He hopefully added.

"NO!" Lily shrieked, glaring at the piece of paper.

"Then, yeah, the only way to get out is to be my slave."

"Fine." Lily said. '_At least I can torture James while obeying his every whim._' "There are of course, a matter of my demands, as well."

The cardboard cut out blinked. "Your what now?"

"My demands." Lily said. "Or, my terms of agreement."

"The terms are simple enough." James' picture said. "You do what I want, or you stay in this cage."

"And what if I chose to stay in the cage?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ummm…" Was the ever so witty reply. "I dunno."

"You'd have to let me out eventually." Lily said. "Once the teachers notice I'm gone on Monday, you'd get in huge trouble. As you said, Remus is nice to me and my friends."

"Good point." The James look-a-like said. "Your terms?"

"I actually don't have any." Lily said. "Except one. Don't pretend, or ask me to pretend, to be your girlfriend."

"Done." The cardboard said.

"Good." Lily lied down on the bed and yawned. "I'm going back to sleep. G'night."

"Couldn't you at least set me back upright?" The James shaped cut-out asked. "No? All right."

**A/N-**

**Hello, this is Lydia! Betcha you didn't see that coming! Anyway, Kay got lazy with her story, **_(I resent that.)_**so I decided to step in and help her. She wrote half this chapter, and I wrote half. **

**Challenge!**

**Who can guess where me and Kay switched writing? It's down to the middle of a sentence, so be aware!**

_Believe me, it's hard to tell._

**The prize is… a mention in the beginning of the chapter, in the authors note.**

**Have fun!**

**Review!**

_Or we will hunt you down and bleach your hair. And then you will see who looks like the albino goldfish (yes, I wrote that part)._


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